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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Accedents

I had "accidents" until I was around 14 or so. It was not because I was to lazy to go to the bathroom, or even that I did not know I had to go but because I just didn't care. This mind set quickly carried over int other aspects of my life such as school work. All through elementary school I did not do any homework, and would just pick random answers on tests (sometimes just to make a pattern...) even if I knew the right answer. The whole time I was doing this never was I held back a grade, I think that is because the teachers either did not know how to deal with me or simply did not want to deal with me.

When anyone would ask me why I did or didn't do these things I had one of two stock answers. My first one was more for why I didn't do something

I don't know

The second was for more why I did something, I would shrug my sholders while avoiding eye contact possibly staring at the ground  and most of the time in tears.

Even though I was giving these answers I knew why I did/didn't do these things, but was to embarrassed to say. I was worried that if I told anyone the truth my life would get worse. That I would end up in a mental hospital drugged out of my mind in a zombie like state. You may wonder where I got an idea like that, well it was from the woman who was working with me in school. she said

If you keep acting like this you will end up locked in a hospital and so drugged up you may not even know who or where you are.

Maybe that is why I avoided treatment till I was in my 20's. However this thread is not about could haves, would haves, and should haves it is about what happened.

24 comments:

  1. I'm following your blog. it looks like it will be good.

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  2. It's interesting to see things from a different perspective, going to follow this hoping for more content.

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  3. That's terrible. To go unhelped for so long.

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  4. Really interesting posts. Following

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  5. Ugh, going untreated for long periods of time usually doesnt end well =\

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  6. Great post man! :) Following and supporting

    http://blazaimagenes.blogspot.com/

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  7. hope the treatment's workin for you now. interesting story you have

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  8. Till your 20's, dudeeeeee,

    gonna follow and see how you get on

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  9. The worst is when you're sleeping and dreaming that you're standing in front of a toilet and your brain is like "hey come on buddy, use the bathroom, just a little bit." Fuck you brain.

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  10. thats some deep thoughtful shit man.

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  11. Wow, this is really enlightening. More power to you for getting out there and telling your story. If more people would do this, less of the population would be ignorant to mental illness. I'm definitely following to support your cause.

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  12. Looking at life through your eyes is illuminating. You're helping me understand the POV of others. Thank you.

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  13. Great post gives me a new view on things and not to be so quick to judge

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  14. Looking forward to more posts like this, following :)

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  15. Oh wow. Goodluck with the further treatments!

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  16. I feel your pain. It's wrong to suffer for something that is so immaterial to real problems.

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  17. as long as you're comfortable with yourself. this is great stuff btw

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  18. Oh man...the things people go through. I'm following to see how this plays out. Good luck in the future.

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  19. I'm following your blog, It will be good.

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